


The Remains

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Loss, Not A Fix-It, Not A Game AU, Post-Canon, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: Gordon just wants to move on and forget that Blank Mesa ever happened. He needs some time away, and the Science Team has been understanding so far, but Tommy invited him somewhere at three at the morning, and he's a little too tired to care.Maybe seeing the remains of Black Mesa will help somehow.
Relationships: Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man, Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	The Remains

**Author's Note:**

> This took an hour to write and two attempts to upload. I'm tired, this wasn't supposed to take this long. Take this sad thing.

Gordon Freeman rolled over in the middle of the night and picked up his phone, glad that he’d thought to turn the brightness down before going to bed. He took one glance at it, and shoved it under his pillow. He didn’t even need to read the message, the contact information was enough for him to know to ignore it. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on sleeping, but his phone buzzed again. He pulled it out from under his pillow and put it in one of the drawers of his nightstand. That was a bad idea too, since the vibrating was now making a loud sound against the hard wood that echoed slightly. Gordon groaned and pulled the phone out and opened the notifications.

_Tommy: Hi Mr. Freeman! I understand that you wanted a couple months of space from all of us, and we’re more than happy to respect that, but we planned a little outing and we decided that it just didn’t seem right to do it without you_

_Tommy: I understand that it’s late, and I’ve lost track of if you have Joshua this week (sorry!) so it’s okay if you can’t come! I just wanted to extend the invitation!_

_Tommy: I’ll leave you alone now!_

_You: Tommy, it’s three in the morning_

_You: This “outing” better be good_

_Tommy: Oh! I wasn’t expecting you to reply!_

_Tommy: Well, it’s just a little get together of sorts! And I know you didn’t want to see any of us for a while, and I understand, but the location is the special part!_

_You: Tommy, you’re killing me_

_Tommy: We’re going to Black Mesa._

More messages poured in, but Gordon ignored them for a moment. He would have put a hand over his face if he wasn’t using his only hand to hold his phone. He didn’t want to see the Science Team, and he definitely didn’t want to see Black Mesa. He knew it was in shambles, but that didn’t calm his nerves any. It would probably be crawling with boot boys, and after the Black Mesa Incident, all of them were going to be arrested immediately. If they weren’t killed, that was. Besides, that would definitely pull up more trauma that he wasn’t ready to deal with yet. He was shoving everything to the back of his mind for now, willing himself to deal with it all at a later date. He was just about to text Tommy a simple “no”, when he read over his other messages.

_Tommy: My dad and I made sure there was no one around who could cause problems for us. He gave us the ok before we did anything, so you don’t have to worry about any supernatural stuff happening either. We don’t plan on exploring inside the rubble, god knows we’ve been in those walls for far too long. We were just going to stay on the outskirts._

_Tommy: The rest of us are going whether you are or not, Mr. Freeman. Normally I’d ask you to come just to make sure that no one ended up really hurt or dead, but I think this is going to be pretty calm for all of us._

_Tommy: You don’t have to come. We all understand. But I wanted to ask because Black Mesa doesn’t feel right without you anymore._

_You: I’ll be there._

Gordon didn’t pay attention to any of the other texts coming in, putting his phone on silent and shoving it in the pocket of his sweatpants he wore to bed. Like hell he was going to change for this. He put on his new prosthetic as quickly as he could, doing his best to get it settled on right. He knew it was a good fit, it had been a “gift” from a top scientist after all. Really, it was more of a cover up, and an attempt to get him to stay quiet, but he wouldn’t complain. He would complain about the pain that kicked in whenever he used it for more than a couple minutes. Apparently that lessened with time and getting used to having it, but for now it hurt like hell. He did his best to ignore it as he pulled on an old sweatshirt, and carefully made his way downstairs. 

He didn’t have Joshua this week, and he hadn’t for the past month. He had seen him plenty, at least five times a week, but almost always everyday. He just wasn’t really in a state to look after his son full time. His ex was understanding, even nice about it. It was weird to think of Artemis being nice to him, but he supposed that he had been through hell. Joshua was happy as long as he got to see his daddy, although he always asked when he’d get to stay over again. 

Gordon shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. All that happened was his hair fell in his face. He always had a hair tie on him, but he didn’t feel like struggling with his hair and his hand to get it in, so he’d just have to deal with it in his face. He at least had the sense to grab his glasses. Next was his keys, and his wallet, and then he was out the door. Sweatshirt, sweatpants, and crocs. He was sure he looked great. It didn’t matter. If the Science Team tried to say anything, he could shut them up pretty easily.

The drive was hell, both because of his hand and memories of the roads. As he got further into the desert, he felt like he got tunnel vision. He definitely wasn’t paying attention to how fast he was going, but there was no one on the road to a destroyed facility at three in the morning, so it didn’t really matter. He parked on the side of the road a short way off from the facility, and walked the rest of the way. Crocs in a desert was a bad idea, but he didn’t have it in him to care. Every step closer to Black Mesa made him feel more and more numb. He finally climbed over a small hill to see the destroyed facility itself.

It just looked like a crater with a bunch of debris in it. You wouldn’t have even known it used to be one of the world’s top scientific facilities only a month ago if no one had told you. But it was all over the news in every part of the country and beyond. 

“M-Mr. Freeman! Over here!” Gordon turned his head slightly to the right, and saw Tommy waving him down. He was standing with the rest of the Science Team on the edge of the crater, and waving for Gordon to come meet them. He carefully made his way over to them, and panicked for a moment when he realized there was an extra member in the little group. He relaxed when he realized it was too tall to be… Him. When he got close enough he realized it was Darnold. He had been involved in the incident, no matter how small of a role he had. “Hello, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said.

Gordon just nodded instead of replying verbally. He looked the Science Team over, trying to figure out why they thought this was enough of a good idea to actually do it. Bubby was wrapped up in a cardigan that was way too big to be his own. He held his hands to his chest to keep it wrapped around himself, and he was leaning heavily against Dr. Coomer. Coomer just stared at Black Mesa like he wasn’t really seeing it, and it reminded Gordon of how he’d get before he “reset” sometimes. He almost expected a cheerful, “Hello Gordon!” any moment, but he knew better. 

Darnold looked like he was as unsure about being here as Gordon felt. He had a hand held up to his mouth, and it looked like he had been biting his nails. Gordon thought that he saw a small bit of blood rolling down one of his fingers, but he couldn’t be sure from his spot a few feet away. He was looking out at Black Mesa too, but not in the dead eyed way that Dr. Coomer was. His eyes were darting around, like he’d be in danger again at any moment. Gordon noticed that his eyes would dart to Tommy pretty frequently as well.

Tommy looked the most put together. Not physically though, that title probably went to Dr. Coomer. Gordon wasn’t even sure if Tommy had changed over the course of the month. He looked like he was wearing the same clothes, blood stained lab coat and all. Gordon noticed that the bottoms of his pant legs were stained green, and were ripped up. Definitely the same ones he’d worn in Black Mesa. Gordon just hoped that they hadn’t been worn the whole time, and that the radioactive waste didn’t prove to be a problem to any of them. Although, the remains of Black Mesa were probably more of a hazard than Tommy’s pants. The only change was that he wasn’t wearing his shoes. In fact, he wasn’t wearing any shoes, instead wearing strange socks that Gordon remembered seeing in a mental hospital once. But Tommy looked put together. He didn’t appear to be showing any emotion, but not in the hollow way the others had. He just looked… calm. Like none of this was affecting him.

The group stood in silence for a while, just staring at the remains of their former workplace. Finally, Dr. Coomer broke the silence. “Good riddance.”

“Tell me about it,” Bubby replied.

“I-It feels nice to be able to move on,” Tommy said.

“Move on?” Gordon asked. “You all can’t have bounced back that fast, I don’t care how good your therapists might be.”

“That’s not what I meant, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said. 

“You’re so fucking lucky, Gordon,” Bubby said. His words didn’t have any bite. He just sounded exhausted. “You’ve got a place to go. A house, a kid, maybe even a spouse. You’ve probably got enough hush money to last you a lifetime.” He swallowed, and Dr. Coomer squeezed him gently. “The rest of us have nothing. Black Mesa was all we knew.”

“It’s true,” Darnold said quietly. Gordon turned to him, but the rest of the Science Team didn’t take their eyes off of Black Mesa. “I learned everything I know in those walls. My dad worked there for years… I’m lucky he retired.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Mixology doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world. I’ve got a doctorate in a field that doesn’t even exist.”

“Isn’t that what they call the ‘art’ of bartending?” Gordon asked. Darnold just shrugged. “What about you, Dr. Coomer? I mean… don’t you have somewhere outside of Black Mesa?”

“I’m afraid not, Gordon,” Dr. Coomer replied. “I have a house, yes, but I would hardly call it a home. I spent all of my time in Black Mesa, including most nights. Between working out bugs in my cybernetics and testing for the cloning experiments, I barely got a moment's rest. I was as much a test subject as I was a scientist.”

“You know you weren’t,” Bubby said. He still sounded exhausted. He didn’t have to say anything else to get his point across. He’d never had a chance to build anything outside of Black Mesa. He’d never even left it before. 

“What about you, Tommy?” Gordon asked, almost feeling desperate to not be the only one with a sound place to go. “You’ve got a dad, and a dog! You’ve got to have some place that you lived!”

“I grew up in these walls, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said. “Literally.” He cast his gaze upward, looking at the night sky. “Black M-Mesa wasn’t all that was d-destroyed.” He swallowed thickly. “My childhood… my only home is gone too.”

As soon as he said it, Gordon could see it. High in the sky, at a height that meant it would have been sitting right on top of Black Mesa, were the remains of a large black structure. Tommy’s house, apparently. Tommy’s childhood house. It didn’t look like a house, it looked like it was a large formless shape made of hexagonal panels. Several chunks were gone, laying around the ground in large craters that Gordon hadn’t been able to see before. 

“My dad had to be at work a lot,” Tommy explained. “So… we just… we lived right a-above his work. I still lived there until…” he trailed off. 

Gordon surveyed the crater, looking over all the debris, trying to find a way to justify what he felt. He didn’t want to say that he had been hurt more than the others, but he felt like he had. Maybe it was the fact that they had seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing while it was happening, while he went through hell. It hadn’t occurred to him that they were going through their own things in their own ways, or that they’d have such a bad fallout. But it didn’t feel right. These bleak men weren’t the ones he had been making his way through the halls with. They were completely different.

“My hand hurts,” Gordon said. He wasn’t completely sure why. Everyone turned their heads to look at him. “The prosthetic is great. Fits me just right. It’s still taking a lot of physical therapy to get used to it.” No one said anything, and Gordon took that as a chance for him to speak more. “I haven’t been able to have Joshua over since it happened. I don’t have it in me to take care of him. I’ve seen him pretty much every day, but I can’t bring him home, no matter how much he begs.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said. He put a comforting hand on Gordon’s shoulder. “I hope you feel better soon.”

“Thank you, Tommy,” Gordon said quietly.

They stared at the remains of Black Mesa for another long while. There was the occasional sentence or two shared between them, but nothing more. The only one that Gordon would remember the next day was Tommy saying that he thought this would be more of an outlet for anger, but he just felt exhausted and sad. The sun was just beginning to come up when Bubby stood up fully.

“I’m done,” he said. “Fuck this place. I’m glad it’s gone to hell. I’m going home. Really home.” He turned to Gordon, Tommy, and Darnold. “We should do something again. Something that doesn’t have to do with this bullshit.”

“That’d be nice!” Tommy said, his normal chipper tone back.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, dear!” Dr. Coomer said. “When do you think you’ll all be free?”

“I-I’ve got a lot more cleaning up to do with my dad, but we should be… I’ll probably be free next weekend!”

“That works for me too!” Darnold said. “If you guys don’t mind, of course.”

“Not at all! The more the merrier!” Dr. Coomer said. Bubby rolled his eyes, but he didn’t object. “What about you, Gordon? Does next weekend work for you?”

Gordon bit his lip and glanced between them all. “I’m not… tonight didn’t really change the whole… y’know…” he trailed off. He knew that the others understood what he meant because their happy expressions dropped.

“Ah… right…” Dr. Coomer said. “W-Well! Get in touch with us when you feel capable of speaking with us again, Gordon! I am sure we will all be thinking of you until then!”

Gordon nodded and watched as Dr. Coomer and Bubby began their walk away from Black Mesa. They were talking quietly, but it seemed to be something more lighthearted than what they’d all been talking about before. Gordon could almost hear them bickering about whether Bubby was a doctor or a professor. He stood with Tommy and Darnold for another moment, waiting for either of them to leave, but they didn’t make any moves to do so. “Well… I guess this is where I get off,” he finally said. “I’ll… I’ll see you guys around. Eventually.”

“See you around, Gordon,” Darnold said with a small wave. “Uh… sorry again about the whole arm thing…”

Gordon smiled tiredly at Darnold. “It’s okay, man.” He looked at Tommy. “You gonna be okay, Tommy?”

“I’ll b-be just fine, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy replied. “I-I’ll see you soon!”

“Yeah…” Gordon mumbled. “See you guys.”

Darnold watched as he left, and finally turned back to Tommy. “Are you ready to go?” He asked. 

Tommy looked at him with a small, sad smile. “Not just yet,” he said. “You can… you should go start up the c-car. I’ll be there soon.”

Darnold nodded. “Stay safe, sweetheart,” he mumbled. He stood on his toes to kiss Tommy’s cheek, before he turned to find their car.

Tommy took a deep breath as he stared over the remains of Black Mesa and his house. He knew there was going to be a lot more to come, in many ways. He shrugged off his lab coat and laid it across a rock nearby. He turned his head slightly, but he didn’t react to the skeleton that was standing where Darnold had been a few minutes ago. “I know,” he said, seemingly unprompted. “It’s a lot. Y-You got off with the easy… you did the easy p-part. My dad and I are the ones who have t-to clean it all up.” He turned back to the remains of Black Mesa, and the skeleton did the same. “I know. T-Two months is going to become four, and then six, and then… and then a year, and w-we’ll never hear from him again.” The skeleton nodded, before it turned to look at Tommy again. “Yeah,” Tommy said to it like it had asked a question. “F-Family business and all…” He stared at the remains for another moment, before he put his back to them. “Onwards and upwards, B-Benrey. I hope you can… I’m sure you can do the same.” Tommy walked away from his home while a lone skeleton sat on a rock with a bloodstained lab coat on it.

Sweet Voice curled into the sky with the rising sun. But there was no one left to rhyme it. 

And there never would be.


End file.
